Saturday, May 18, 2013

Newcastle Bombshell Pale Blonde Ale

The last beverage in my Funky Buddha glass before my son broke it!

Ed Roberts recently said he was surprised that I hadn't reviewed Newcastle Bombshell Blonde yet. So I decided to ask their agency if they'd send me a sample, as they always usually do without me even asking . But while I was looking around for info about the beer, I noticed the thumbnail of a blonde woman in a swimsuit with a beach ball in the middle of the label.

So I decided to question how smart a decision that actually is, considering the blonde woman/blonde beer idea is extremely overdone and considered sexist by many. So here is how I (eloquently) penned my questions which then filtered through to the Newcastle Marketing Brand Manager over at Heineken.

Pain in the ass me: "I wanted to know if you have info/samples about your Newcastle Blonde. I'd like a statement from the brewery about the voluptuous blonde on the label, a cliched overused label idea that Newcastle hasn't explored before. I mean, she's hot, but there are a zillion female beer drinkers in the US now that will not appreciate what the brewery did. I'd like to know whose decision that was."

Brand guy: "I’d be happy to share more information about Newcastle Bombshell...

As you know from reviewing our brand in the past, the spirit of the Newcastle "No Bollocks" brand voice is humorous, lighthearted and dedicated to honesty. In this case, our summer brew is a blonde ale. And the woman on the front of our label is also a blonde – following our inclination to call a spade a spade – and wearing a respectable bathing suit by today’s standards.


Pretty funny stuff right? I do things like that because I love you!

The label takes its "No Bollocks" a little further, calling this "A Real British Beauty" and tells the "Simply Stunning" story on the back.

Usually I'd make you read it in my picture, but this is really good...

"An Englishman's first love is his Brown Ale. However, in the summer he often fancies blondes instead! With this inspiration, we've created Newcastle Bombshell, an English style blonde ale. The combination of Cascade, Hellertau and Northdown hops balance this golden coloured ale's light aroma and bitterness with toasted malt to ensure a silky smooth finish. After one sip of this brew, we're sure you'll agree she's a real bombshell."

As for the beer, it has a grainy, toasty aroma with light lemon. Grain continues into the flavors, but it is attacked by some weird astringent lemony bitterness with metallic on top. Just ugly. The finish was dry. I didn't like it at all. It wasn't just boring--it was unenjoyable defined. Dump.

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